As I prepared to head to our weekly leadership meeting, there was a pit in my stomach. A meeting that used to be one I looked forward to, had changed with the addition of new people to the table. While they would publicly say all the right words, their actions didn’t match up. I realized some on the team had an agenda, which wasn’t for the mutual benefit of the organization and the team. Instead, it was about what was best for them. The team dynamics changed further, becoming even more difficult when a long-standing member on the team began focusing on their personal agenda too. The team no longer had trust with each other, making working together difficult. My days were miserable. Everyone knew it, but no one wanted to talk about it.
I believe trust is critical to success in any organization, a sports team, a large corporation, a family-owned company, a non-profit or a church. Unless someone is intentionally playing the “devil’s advocate”, I doubt there would be disagreement on this from anyone.
When you have trust with a co-worker or team, everything becomes easier and more productive. When it’s missing, all things are a challenge, no that’s not accurate, all things become exhausting.
If we know trust is critical for success, why don’t we talk about it and try to fix it when it’s missing? I’ll admit I didn’t push it and others on the team didn’t either. Why?
We avoid conflict. Sadly, for most of us, life has taught us that if we’re honest with someone, tell them the truth, it rarely goes well. The other person becomes defensive, sometimes irrational and chances are a relationship will probably be damaged. It’s painful. It makes us avoid anything where there might be disagreement. Avoidance feels safe, but it’s also miserable. Others avoid the possibility of conflict by just ignoring a trust problem. They don’t even acknowledge it, simply putting their head in the sand. If someone asks, they will just say, “we all get along just fine.” Why ignore what you know is there? If they admit there’s a problem, doing something about it would mean talking with someone. And we’re back again to avoidance.
As it relates to trust, we often don’t know what we don’t know. A false foundation of “lack of trust” is sometimes created based on a “feeling” or a look the other person has or just not knowing them. You’ll hear them say, “I just don’t feel like I can trust them.” Or it’s based on what someone else said, e.g., “my good friend said they can’t be trusted.”
Another thing we can’t know is another person’s intent.
Too often we assume we know the other person’s motivation or intent, even though we really don’t know. I remember hearing something said by Don Christian, the President of Concordia University Texas.
“If God is God, and I am not, I could be wrong.”
Let that sink in. I’m confident you aren’t God, which means you could be right, or you could be wrong about their intent. The only way you’ll ever know is to ask.
If you want to fix a trust issue, begin by simply asking them about their intent. Yes, have a conversation and ask them. It’s not as painful as you think. Choose whatever words work for you, but it can be as simple as “why do you want to do that?”, or “why do you believe that?”
You can build a bridge of trust simply by having a conversation. Start tomorrow.
A fool does not care whether he understands a thing or not; all he wants to do is show how smart he is. Proverbs 18:2 (GNT)
