It was early in my career, and I was working late. One of my good friends in the finance department said they were bringing in some food as it was “budget week” and invited me to join them. That evening they were going to be reviewing all the budgets submitted for the coming fiscal year and creating a corresponding financial analysis. For me it was dinner with friends, allowing me to listen to their conversation. The food was good and it was interesting for me until Dave, our CFO, tossed a budget to me and said, “Dale, take a look at this and let me know what’s wrong with their assumptions.” I didn’t expect that and did my best, which wasn’t very insightful. Dave kept asking me questions, and I gave honest responses about what I did and didn’t see, as he led me in a new direction until I saw what he saw. The light bulb went on and my education had begun. Dave became an important mentor in my life. When I first experienced the leader of my department resigning without notice to “pursue other interests” (you should know that means he was fired), Dave knocked on my door and came in to help me understand what it meant and prepare me for a transition to a new Director. He was both a friend and a teacher throughout my career, which is what a good mentor does.

We all need mentors in our career, someone with more experience and wisdom, who we can go to and learn, or make sense out of organizational events. Notice that the word mentor is plural, because one person isn’t enough. I was blessed with several mentors during my career, and each one taught me something important in my development and offered a different perspective. Bob mentored me in my professional development in human resources. Bob (different one) mentored me in leadership where I volunteered, and Roger mentored me about life.

Some organizations have a structured mentoring program because they understand it is an important component to someone’s career. The challenge is trying to match two people together through a process is a bit like on-line dating. It does work, but many times it falls flat.

How did I find my mentors? They grew organically, which is also what has worked best for me with those I’ve mentored. There was no formal structure, no agreement of any kind, the relationship was an open door for me to ask and them to teach.

Here are four things I’ve found to be important for a successful mentoring relationship.

1. It’s not a supervisory relationship – Yes, the person you report to can teach you, but true mentors are outside of a reporting relationship. A mentor is someone you go to with questions you don’t want to and shouldn’t ask the person who evaluates you. With a mentor, it’s okay to ask a “stupid question”.
2. You like each other – Relationships begin when you like someone, there is chemistry of between the two of you, it just clicks. You need to like them because you’ll both be spending time with each other and it shouldn’t be a chore. Your connection might begin with a shared common interest in the arts, sports, travel, etc. When you and your mentor like each other, you’ll want to see them, and they’ll be willing to give more.
3. They love teaching – It’s what they do. Their natural personality is that of a giver not a taker. Typically, they see something in you and want to teach you things that are important for your career. Or it could be they want to give back because others mentored them. The reason isn’t important if they love teaching.
4. You want to learn – While all elements are important, if you don’t show a desire to learn, the relationship will go nowhere. Why should the mentor give of themselves if you aren’t interested in learning? Short answer, they won’t. Be ready to ask questions, but not the ones that you should already know the answer to. Ask them to help you see what you don’t see, or see all the ways something could go wrong, as well as opportunities.

Of course, remember to thank your mentors for their time and their help. While they aren’t doing it to be thanked, they do want to know you value what they have to give.

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17