It is a parent teacher conference, Justen and Kathy are discussing their son’s grade with Don, his high school Calculus teacher. There was almost panic in their voices about his grade, which wasn’t an “A”, he was struggling to make a “C.” “He has (heavy emphasis on has) to have an “A””, Kathy said, “or he won’t get into…”, and then she named the college of choice. Don wanted to focus the conversation on his interest and efforts, but the parents were fixated on his grade. Ask a high school teacher and they can tell you similar stories.
This young man’s parents were acting as if life was linear, which we all like to believe life is, until we learn it isn’t. Getting a certain grade in a class won’t guarantee admission to any school, and getting into the school of choice won’t guarantee anyone’s success. Both are helpful, but many other factors impact success.
One factor that doesn’t get talked about much, which I believe is critical for success, is an ability to get along with others, building and maintaining relationships. Why? Because when you have problems in your career, which you will have, your relationships will be where you’ll get the help you need to get through them. They will be the people you can lean on. In my career as a human resources executive, I rarely saw someone lose a job because they were not smart or understood their job, it was their people skills that failed them, and they had no relationships to lean on for help.
One way to build relationships is to be available for others. Trust me, when you least expect it, someone will say to you, “Do you have a minute?”
How you respond is important. Your brain will immediately be flooded with thoughts like, “I don’t have time now”, “what’s this about?”, or “this probably isn’t going to be good.” Any of those could be true, but don’t miss this opportunity to build a relationship.
While you may be surprised at their request, they are not, this was planned, and it means you’re an important person in their life. They need your wisdom, or to share something that’s important to them.
How you respond will improve or damage your relationship with them. Don’t blow them off, it will only damage the relationship. Make time for them, even if it means adjusting your schedule, and then give them your undivided attention. When you give your time and your attention, it says to them, “you’re important” and “I care about you.” They will never forget it and the relationship will be stronger.
You may also use that phrase intentionally to build new relationships or to maintain them. Let’s say you are attending a meeting. Among the participants are both someone you know, but haven’t talked to in a while, and someone new that you don’t know at all. Choose one of them and ask, “do you have a minute?”
You might read concern on their face wondering why you asked, but you can quickly re-assure them. If you know them, just say you want a few minutes just to catch up and see how they are doing. For the person you don’t know, acknowledge that you don’t know them, but would like a few minutes to get to know them. Start a new relationship with them.
Do this frequently when you attend meetings or events and over a year’s time you will have strengthened relationships that already existed and built new ones. You will never regret those relationships.
Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it. Never tell your neighbors to wait until tomorrow if you can help them now. Proverbs 3: 27-28 (GNT)
