He was speaking from his heart and full of raw emotion. I doubt the words he shared were ones he had spoken with many others. They weren’t unique to a man; women have these same feelings when faced with similar circumstances. “Can you believe it? Of all the times during the year to be unemployed, why now? It’s my favorite time of the year, it is for my kids too, but I don’t feel merry at all because I don’t have a job. I feel like a failure to my family and my team. This isn’t a great time to look for a job because people don’t hire at Christmas. I don’t have the money to spend this year, I don’t really want to attend any parties, I don’t want to be around people, and I certainly don’t want to answer the questions I know I’ll get, you know, ones like “what happened?”, “how’s the search going?”, “are you still looking?” I need to put on a good front for the holidays.”
If you share these feelings because you’re unemployed, or your spouse is feeling them or someone you know well and care about, here are some thoughts to help make it through the holidays. These come from personal experience and many “cups of coffee” with those in transition.
People care. More people care about you than you know. But as often happens when people don’t know what to say, they say nothing. Silence doesn’t mean they don’t care. Others want to do something for you, but don’t know what to do. They’ll are tiptoeing around a very delicate subject. Some will try to say something helpful, but it won’t be, it might be stupid or unintentionally hurtful. Don’t read intent into what is said, they just don’t know.
Who needs to see you? You may want to skip going to parties or other activities because subconsciously you think you are protecting yourself from further hurt or uncertainty of how do deal with your emotions. Please don’t do that, get out of your house and go places, be with people. Whether you want to admit it or not, you need people. There are many people who need and want to see you and trust me, there are more than you imagine. You’re important to them, they care about you, they want to be with and support you. So be seen by others.
What example are you sharing? Whether you like it or not, others are watching you. Your spouse, your children, your family and friends are all looking at you to see how you react. If you avoid everything, do you realize you’re saying when life gets difficult (and believe me a job loss is), you should hide and avoid people. Is that the example you want people to see? Or, do you pick yourself up, attend events and have people say “wow, when life got tough, he/she didn’t hide. I hope I have the strength and courage to do that.”? I’d rather have them be in awe of how you handled a difficult situation.
You need to be loved. The holidays will give you an opportunity to be loved, to receive some of God’s amazing grace through the people you spend time with. Especially when you’re unemployed, you need a little “loving” from friends and family. Accept it. And, when family members tease you, which they probably will, recognize they don’t want to hurt you, it’s a sign of love.
Why are we celebrating? It’s not a celebration for you and me. We’re supposed to be celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, our savior. That is the best news you and I could ever receive and it’s a reason for some serious celebrating. Jesus’ birth was announced by the angels saying
“…I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Luke 2:10
Did you notice that it said, “all of the people”, yes even those of us struggling with unemployment. He came for you and me because of our struggles. He cares about you, he loves you and right now he’s standing with you, holding your hand as you go through this. Nothing is better.
I hope you won’t take the holidays off. Please celebrate! Go to parties and spend time being with people. Let them love you as Christ loves us.
